Are you keeping a deceased family member's cremated remains at your home? Are you experiencing unusual activity (noises, feelings, etc.) that you attribute to those remains being in/haunting your home? A survey by Realtor.com revealed that 26% of buyers would buy a haunted house, 36% said they might purchase such a property, and 38% said no way. But of the 26%, most said that if they saw levitating objects, it would be a deal breaker! Although it is most likely not necessary to disclose alleged hauntings in an Agreement of Sale , it is generally recommended that one do so. As with many home sale issues, governing regulations vary from state to state.
There are so-called "experts" of the Paranormal Community who emphatically state that if you move, spirits related to the cremated remains will move with them. Of course, there is no factual basis for such a statement, as is much of the paranormal folklore passed on these days. The broad definition today of what a spirit exactly is seems to include so many things that it doesn't end up explaining any of it, however whatever your belief is, perhaps it should be tempered with the idea that ours is not the only "reality" in this universe. This article attempts to entertain a discussion of a specific category of spirit presence, one that begs the question, "how long do the deceased stick around, if at all?" Is there some sort of psychic connection with loved ones of the deceased and is this connection severed if the remains are moved out of the locality of the deceased? Do they ever leave us, if so, when, why (by choice?)?
The reasons for a loved one's ashes being kept in the home are numerous, ranging the gamut from cultural practices, unresolved feelings/inability to let go, family conflicting opinion issues, geographic logistics, et. al.
These reasons may also go against some religious laws and/or practices.
I hereby relate my own personal observations and opinion on ashes, either personally experienced by me or directly related to me by a family member. I preface the following by stating that I have been in pursuit of paranormal evidence of a factual nature for years, with no empirical proof as of yet... only coincidences, synchronicities and stories told to me by others, some who are trusted family and friends. I always dispense with the typical paranormal bullshit and give you the truth as I or trusted others have reported to me. I refuse to provide a 3rd party reporting of any kind, i.e. "they say it is haunted with reports of shadow figures, apparitions, footsteps, etc."
One family member, who I will only identify by the initial "S" has retained the ashes of her husband "G" who was tragically killed by an at-fault vehicle while riding his motorcycle . She has kept his cremated remains in her home on a shelf, waiting for a time when she can fulfill his wish for his ashes to be taken to the Gulf of Mexico & spread there. She has noticed unusual occurrences in her home. On the weekend of her husband's funeral, while sitting in the kitchen, she and her sister had heard a little bell ring. They immediately looked up at each other to acknowledge the other had heard it. They did not know the source of that sound. To her recollection, either the same or next night, again while sitting at the kitchen table, the dog was just sitting next to the door leading to the garage. The dog's head was cocking from side to side as dogs do when they are puzzled by something, facing the door, intently focused & listening to something in the garage. "S" and her sister did not hear whatever was drawing the dog's attention. Just days later, "S" noticed drops of water about the size of a quarter on the kitchen floor, not knowing where they came from. She wiped it up, thinking she must have spilled something unknowingly. She left the kitchen momentarily and upon coming back the drops of water were there again! This was also witnessed by her sister. Later, there were numerous times, while relaxing inside the home where the dog would be sleeping, suddenly wake and sit up, alerted to & watching, it's head moving from side to side as if it were seeing or watching something. "She did that a lot. She must be seeing something that I don't."
Another event happened some time in November, approximately 3 months after the funeral. While in the garage, where "G" enjoyed piddling around in his spare time, "S" heard the sound of the table saw starting up. She suddenly stopped what she was doing and turned to look, thinking she hadn't noticed her son was doing something with the table saw. Her son wasn't in the garage. He was inside the house sitting on the sofa. She asked him, "did you hear that noise?" He replied, "what noise?" At this point she was wondering how much her imagination might be affecting her. She acknowledges that the consolation of time elapsing has helped lesson her personal grief to a degree, as well as her sensitivity, awareness and perception of any unexplained activity in the home. Concerning the above mentioned and for the years that have followed, she does not equate anything paranormal to those events or to her husband's ashes being kept in her home. This begs the question, how much does preoccupation with an event, whether conscious or subconscious, influence a person in unexplained ways, especially in the case of such a personal tragedy. Or..... could it be real attempts of indirect contact or messages from the other side?
Connected to this same tragic event were two incidents as reported to me by my wife, "A", the sister of "S". "A" was in the home of "S" shortly after the tragic accident, having traveled a distance to get there as quickly as possibly. Arriving and being there just days after the death, the tragedy was, of course, heavy on her mind. She was attending to her hair in the bathroom when suddenly a white feather came floating down from the bathroom ceiling above her. This of course made no sense at the time and "A" could only think that it was a sign of sorts concerning her deceased brother-in-law, as per the popular saying, “When feathers appear, angels are near." The associated belief to this saying is as follows: White feathers are seen as a sign of reassurance, sent by an angel, to let you know the person you care about has crossed over to the other side successfully and there’s no need to worry. Yet, "A" could not be sure of that due to the following event that also happened later, equating that "G," having been killed suddenly, might be very confused as far as his situational awareness was concerned:
"My sister started talking about the fact she was going to give "G's" old truck for her son to drive. He was still in high school at the time, and so he was going to have that truck. We had been talking about how "G" loved that truck. My sister said, "let's go outside and look at it." We went outside through the garage and as I walked up to the truck I got a really bad feeling the closer I got. I was looking in the driver's side window. It wasn't as if I actually saw someone sitting there. It flashed in my mind this image of "G" sitting there and he was looking at me. He was so horribly angry! It startled me and I looked down from the truck. The look on his face was like pure hate, pure anger... I don't even know how to describe it. His eyes looked wild and he just stared at me. Even though I know he wasn't actually sitting in that truck at the driver's wheel, I knew he was there. I couldn't even look back at the truck. I looked down. The whole time I was out there, I backed away, looked in the back cargo area, but never again looked inside the truck because I knew he was in there. He was really, really angry because he had died and I could feel that."
To this day, "A" feels strongly that the spirit of "G" was there in the house at the time of her visit.
For some months now, we have kept the cremated remains of my wife's sister, who passed several months ago, as well as that of her sister's deceased husband, whose ashes she had already been keeping for many years, awaiting the time of her passing with the wish for her cremated remains to be scattered together with his. The logistics of this dispersal so far, in keeping with her wishes of where to spread both her ashes & her husband's ashes to a yet-to-be-determined final place of dispersal, have been complicated by weather considerations and coordinated travel plans by family members spread out over long distances, not to mention COVID-19 restrictions.
The heavily hypothesized paranormal claim of activity at night vs day did come into play here. We noticed a few strange "bumps or knocks" coming from the part of our apartment where the cremated remains are being kept. However, it could not be said for certain the remains played any part in those events. It also could be attributed to our subconscious awareness of the remains being located in close proximity to our bedroom. Relatedly, we would notice those same bumps and knocks at our quiet, sleep-time hours as opposed to the noisier environment of the day. Other apartment complex residents making those noises on adjoining walls and floors could not be discounted as the source of the noises. The presence of the ashes are undoubtedly "out of sight, out of mind." I have done multiple EVP sessions next to the ashes with absolutely nothing that can come close to being considered evidence to report.
Perhaps the very idea of emotional intention plays a part in our personal reactions to the presence of cremated remains in the home. My wife's sister and brother-in-law were both beloved in the family. Pertaining to the remains kept in our own apartment, my wife has even stated, "I can't believe my sister would ever wish harm on us." From my own paranormal research & investigations over many years, I have found my own intentions play heavily into any experiences I might suspect could be paranormal in nature. In the beginning, my personal fears contributed to suspicions of spirit presence, including those of a malevolent nature. As time went by, I conquered those same fears with analysis, logic and faith. To my surprise, I found little to be attributed to the unexplained as compared to before, enough of a difference to make me question the existence of the paranormal itself. Other unrelated personal and unexplainable experiences by both myself and my wife demand I still keep an open mind to all possibilities, no matter how unpopular or unbelievable, constantly weighing all factors involved in the collection of what is considered "paranormal evidence." Worrying too much about the possibility of spirits being real can easily distract us from what is going on around us.
The question that now becomes evident is... even if a deceased person's alleged spirit still remains, and not having any intention of harm, does that very same presence of the remains, by the nature of cosmic/religious law, cause disruption and negative intentions imposed on in its surroundings, due to the fact the remains are not settled into a final solution? How does one ascertain how plausible that possibility is? Also, is there a time limit before the spirit that remains behind, whether desired or not, degrades due to entropy into an eventual departure of its surroundings?
My medicine man friend, "O" from the Chitimacha Nation weighed-in with his opinion when asked about ashes with the following four questions:
MoonJoey - If you have any input on this I would love to hear about it.
O - I received a call; I say 2 weeks ago, one member who used to attend ceremonies passed away. A good friend of his called and ask if I would meet with the family and others...long story, making it short. After the ceremony and saying farewell to the family, the widow said we have his ashes- my response was “OH!” She then asked if it was bad. I told her to follow her beliefs. But, my teaching of the loved one passing is you let them go on their journey.
Moonjoey - Does that mean burying the ashes or scattering?
O - We set them free - scatter them either in the water (bayou) or a field.
The emotional attachment to those who have passed. You bind them to this world and it’s hardships- they re-live this world through the living.
Moonjoey - You mean the emotional attachment by not scattering or have I misunderstood your meaning?
O - The medicine of a person (love) is powerful that you can hold their spirits in this plane.
Moonjoey - OK. I get it. What about burying ashes? Is that considered different than scattering them?
O - No. When I arrived in this world and my umbilical cord dried up and fell. My parents buried it- introducing me to Mother Earth. When my time comes- she will know me. So, on the top of soil or buried - you are known to her.
Can one prove the hypothesis of spirit presence? My own personal testing of this would not have repeatable results. It most likely would be a one-time occurrence if it happens, but possibly providing fodder for a convincing discussion in support of that hypothesis! I describe this possibility as follows:
Approximately two months ago, my dear, big brother passed from a battle with cancer. Through our numerous conversations before he died, my brother, ever eager to be game for anything and everything, talked with me about the possibility of what awaits us in the hereafter. We agreed that whoever passed first, the proof of his or my lingering spirit presence would be a secret phrase, known only to the two of us, that would be proof of spirit communication. The phrase was related to a previous personal experience between just the two of us. No one else could possibly know it. Neither of us has ever revealed it to anyone. That secret phrase is hidden on a piece of paper in a sealed envelope in my apartment. If my wife, my brother's wife or someone else in the family were to tell me of an event where they thought my deceased brother communicated that phrase to them, I would immediately take them with me to that hidden spot and have them personally retrieve and read the secret phrase for validation. To date, no such communication has been reported to have been experienced by myself or anyone else. I believe that if it were possible, my brother would have found a way. Time will only tell. Next summer, in fulfillment of a personal promise, I will summit Pikes Peak in Colorado to spread my brother's ashes. One idea of mine is that "direct" communication is not possible/allowed by the Creator/Cosmos. That leaves indirect communication/messages i.e. the white feather described above, loved ones appearing in our dreams, certain songs at coincidental times, scents in a room, etc.
I have a belief that there are people like my medicine man friend, who appear to have a perceptual talent or sensitivity to the departed in regards to the category of "spirits" that include but are not exclusive to elementals, our ancestors, angels and various deities.
So, there you have my take on spirit contact as it relates to cremated remains. I offer it, not with conclusive validation for or against the hypothesis of a lingering spirit presence after death, but rather toward the accumulation of data for the end purpose of analyzing the statistical probability strengths that are for or against that same hypothesis.
Do you have an experience or story to share?
- MoonJoey